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| i prayed a prayer awhile back... i never imagined the consequences of it... God answers prayers... be prepaired
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| i really want to get better at posting on here. not for your benefit
because i'm sure my life isn't that interesting but because i want to
decipline myself in writing more because i enjoy it and it's a
good way to reflext on thing. i also need to start writing in my
journal but that's a differant story all together. this summer has been
extreemly hard for me. not only have i been strugling with some things
that involve being home. but it seems like at ever courner i take
there's an other challange to get over. i guess i shouldn't mind
because in these challanges i'll draw closer to God and in that i
should be rejoycing. i just wish things could be easy for a day or two
and i could be working. today i found out that there's a nail in my
car. i thought problems came in 3's? maybe they mean 3,000. but i
shouldn't complain because God has been incredibly faithful to me and
my life really is good. i have a loving family and nice house and i can
always eat. so God is good, all the time, and in this i need to
rejoyce.
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| Let us go now
So, I've been thinking... yeah that's dangerous. I've been losing
passions for a lot of things. I think that's all right because I think
I'm gaining this passion. People are hungry for truth. Our society has
been starving it self for so long from the bread of the father, of the
word of God. I want to see communities won for Christ, lit on fire by
his love. I know only that it'll take a lot of prayer and a lot of
putting myself on the line. But I don't know how to do this. I'm so
scared. Scared even to move. I want to bring true passion into peoples
lives. I know I can't sit here and do nothing any more, but I'm too
weak, too full of sin to do anything else. I hope the passion to turn
communities back to Christ, to light them on fire, will spread, like a
wild fire. Let us go now, into the world, away from our closed
communities, away from our comfort zones, to meet the injured, the
hurting, those that have pushed these feelings of agnoy away into the
dark corners of their breaking hearts. It is time.
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| That night Jacob got up and took his
two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the
ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent
over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled
with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower
him, he touched the socket
of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the
man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
~Gen 32:22-26
Have you ever notices that when we wrestle
with God that we refuse to give up? Even when we've been hurt? Recently
I have been wrestling with God and part of me wants to just fall down
and rest in Him and rest with my new limp, but the other part of me
wants to just keep doing it, to keep running. I really don't want to
keep running so I can't understand why I do. I need to give up and just
rest in Him and that is my daily prayer.
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| i'm not in a happy mood right now. i really hate hillsdale and
christians right now. i just hate how hillsdale puts on this facade of
caring about their students about having "strong family values." i know
some of the people really do care. but when a "christian" professor
treats you like scum gives you poor grades i get really confused and
hurt. i guess it is all in God's plan, but i can't help but wonder why
He allows brothers and sisters to be so dirty to each other. it just
really frustrates me and i've been hurt so much by the church recently,
i think i understand why my dad refuses to have anything to do the
church and God. if God's wasn't so powerful in my life i know i would
quit too. it would be a lot easier than having to deal with stuff like
this. i guess that's my rant, i really wish i didn't have to, i wish i
was hurt by a non-christian, or it was a reasonable hurt, but instead
it had to be by a "brother." i don't think i know what to think
anymore.
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